


Baby, I Could Use Just a Little Help

by Viitiium



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 12:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17643230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viitiium/pseuds/Viitiium
Summary: Eve is done running.





	Baby, I Could Use Just a Little Help

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first piece of fanfiction I've ever written so please be gentle!

It was never really about what Niko could give you. It was about what he couldn't.

You remember winters in Massachusetts. You remember wanting the freezing wind to bite at your face, you remember facing the wind, walking towards it, letting it sting. You wanted to feel _something._ You thought about hurting yourself but you knew you couldn't do it. You had that burning desire to impress everyone and besides, you didn't think you had the guts anyway. But that yearning - for pain, for hurt, for blood - it never went away. You just buried it so deep you thought it could never get out.

You'd sit in lectures and you'd look around and everyone was so _normal_. Isn't that what you should be? Normal? You didn't feel it. You could chase the light or you could chase the dark. You chased the light. You buried your desire even deeper and you chased the light. But you could never outrun your dark.

Niko was everything you were supposed to want. Nice, intelligent women like you were meant for nice, intelligent men like Niko.  
You're more than twenty years removed from college at this point. You'd gotten damn good at living a life you _should_ want. Until Villanelle. Until Hurricane Oksana.  
You could chase her because it was within the confines of your job. You were allowed the danger. You were _told_ to run towards the danger. What else could you do? It was out of your hands. You weren't chasing your dark, you were saving the world.

You felt everything. You felt it like a thousand hammer blows raining down on you. And you were so _tired_. You wanted it taken from you. The emotion, the feelings, the control.  
"Villanelle, come and take everything away from me. Fuck me or kill me or both. Take away my control."

You're lying across from her and months of chasing and wanting and confusion have come down to this, you, Eve Polastri, holding a knife to Villanelle's stomach.  
"You can't." She was goading you. God, she was so fucking smug. She was right, you couldn't do it, but she didn't know everything; it wasn't that you didn't have the guts, it was that you loved her too much.  
You leapt off her, the knife clattering to the ground. You ran. Villanelle didn't chase after you. That hurt more than any physical thing she could have done.

It had been three months since Paris. You'd spent every day since hoping, wishing Villanelle would show up. She never does.  
You spend your time tracking her. You're not sure why since you don't have the courage to actually go to her. At least not yet. But you just want to know she's there.  
Your house has become the planet around which the ghost of Villanelle orbits. Photos, newspaper cuttings, files and folders, they decorate surfaces in nearly every room of the house. You do that partly because you can. When you returned from Paris, Niko had already gone. He'd left you the house. He was so nice, even when you didn't deserve it. He could be nice, he could be _normal_ because he just didn't have that dark within him. You thought you'd be jealous but you weren't. Something sick inside you did get off on chasing a psycho. Once upon a time you'd have given anything to kill that urge within you. Now the sting was so familiar, so satisfying, you knew nothing could ever replace it.

You've lost count of the months since Paris. Six? Nine? Why even count anymore? You track her to Barcelona and something finally snaps inside you and then you're throwing clothes and toiletries into a suitcase. You can't ignore that nagging feeling in your stomach anymore, you're tethered to each other now and it's not going to stop.

You break into her apartment. There's a chair in the corner by the foot of the bed. You sit in the chair and you wait. You stare out the window, watch people going about their business. This was a stupid idea. What if you're here hours? What if she's not even in the country? You contemplate leaving but you make no attempt to move. Even if she's gone weeks, she'll be back, and you'll be here waiting for her. What else have you got to do?

You hear the jangle of keys, the door opening and closing again, the sound of keys being tossed into a bowl. Villanelle strolls in. She looks so light and her skin is glowing and God you just - Villanelle sees you, gasps lightly, so light you almost don't hear it, and stops in her tracks. You think she's coming home from pleasure instead of business, what kind of pleasure you don't want to know. It hurts too much to think about. She leans against the doorframe, that smug look on her face.  
"Eve Polastri. Hello." She raises her eyebrows slightly and she's _smirking_ at you. You're determined not to let her disarm you so easily but it all goes out the window the second you catch a glimpse of her eyes. You're going to drown here and you don't even care.

She walks towards you, stops at the end of the bed and sits down. She looks... nervous? You can't tell if you're projecting or hoping. You stand up, walk towards her. She keeps her head down. You take her head in your hands, gently tilt it upwards so she can look at you. You put your forehead to hers and let out a deep sigh. She places her hands flat on your back and sighs in return. You think maybe this is exactly what you've both been missing and then she's pulling you down to straddle her and you're not _thinking_ anymore you're just _doing_ , like you always do when it comes to her.  
Her lips ghost across yours and you think you hear her ask "What took you so long?" but everything sounds so far away and muted and it takes you a few beats to catch up. You pull back to look at her and she's smirking _again_ and you finally realise that all these months she has been waiting for you. You're equal parts furious and enamoured because isn't this just what you'd expect from Villanelle? Games and manipulation and her unwillingness, maybe even inability, to relinquish any kind of control. Villanelle was only ever going to wait for you to come to her.

You bring your arms up and you shove her hard but she doesn't miss a beat, grabbing your arms and pulling you down with her as she falls back onto the bed.  
"You fucking asshole," you try to spit the words at her but months of chasing and sleepwalking have taken all your venom and now all that's left is want and need and she's still gripping your arms and you don't think you've ever been this aroused in your life.  
You look down at her and what starts out as another smirk on her face quickly gives way to a genuine smile and if you didn't know any better you'd swear this is just a young woman you fell in love with during a trip to Barcelona, but you _do_ know better and you're not sure anything good about her could ever be genuine, anyway. You know so much of her darkness but that's where it ends. Does she have any light left? Did she have any to begin with?

"You don't have a job, I thought I'd let you chase me, give you something to do." She lets out a small laugh and it's the softest you've ever seen her and you want to know soft and light and sweet but there isn't _time_.  
You grab her face and you crash your lips to hers. You put everything into that kiss because you've nothing left now, nothing except that which she has let you keep and you have to let her know how far gone you are, how desperately you want her to let you keep this.  
Your tongues are sliding together and it's all heat and lust and she's matching you because _of course_ she fucking is. She moans into your mouth and you're never coming back from this.

You claw at each other and strip each other naked, bodies sliding against one another. She slips a hand between your legs, finds you with strong fingers. She gathers up your wetness and trails it up to where you need it and then she's rubbing your clit and you're grinding against her shamelessly, months and months of pent up want and need finally being set free.  
You sit up to straddle her and she enters you with two fingers. You moan and your balance fails you for just a second but she reaches out and steadies you with a hand on your hip. You reach down and place a hand over hers, intertwining your fingers. You ride her fingers and she finds your clit with her thumb, rubbing you in increasingly frantic circles.  
"Fuck, fuck, don't stop, please don't stop" you're panting and moaning now and you don't recall ever being so wanton, you should feel embarrassed but you don't, not with Villanelle. You already know you can let go with her. This is just what she does to you.  
You're uncontrollably thrusting against her hand and you're so close. You push yourself forward and kiss her hard and then you're coming you're coming you're coming and you want to open your eyes and look at Villanelle but you can't, the feeling washing over you is too strong and all you can do is watch the colours behind your eyelids and ride it out until it starts to subside.

Once your breathing starts to even out and your limbs feel solid again, you push yourself up and off her. You kneel in front of her and nudge her legs open. You look up and Villanelle's eyes are wide and bright and she's staring holes through you.  
You drag your hands down her chest, squeezing her breasts and rubbing her nipples as you lean forward and place your mouth on her clit. She gasps, "Oh fuck, Eve" and then she has her hands in your hair and she's pulling hard enough to hurt but the sting feels so good.  
She's moaning and writhing beneath you, grinding herself against your tongue. You move your hands down to her hips to help steady her and then you bring one hand down, entering her with two fingers as you continue to suck and lick at her clit. She's moaning loudly and you can't believe it's you who is making her sound like that, it's you that gets to have her like this. You know that now you've had her, this is it for you. You'll stay as long as she wants you. You snap back to reality when you hear Villanelle's voice, "Eve, I'm going to come, I'm going to-" and she arches up off the bed as an orgasm rips through her.

After a few moments she begins to relax, the hands in your hair stop pulling and her body sags back down against the mattress. Villanelle pulls you up to lie against her and brings her arms around you, rubbing your back in small circles as she coaxes you both back to earth. Your head is resting against her chest and she leans down to gently kiss the top of your head.  
"Come with me."  
You lift your head up to look at her.  
"What?"  
"Come with me, on my assignments."  
"Oksana, you know I can't."  
"Why not? You don't have your job anymore, you're not with your husband anymore. Why go back to London? You said you want to know everything. Come with me and I'll show you."  
You've finally found your darkness. It's going to eat you alive and you're going to let it because it's what you've always wanted.  
"Okay."  
You finally leave your light behind.


End file.
